|
Having
said that, I was a thin child. My family is Greek (my mom and
dad are right off the boat Greek) we ate a lot of very rich,
fatty foods when I was growing up. Most of my childhood was me
being raised in restaurants that my family owned. Until I was
in my teens, I never had a weight problem. In fact I was
always teased for being "too skinny" (ohhhh to go back in time
;)) I began gaining small amounts of weight when I was a
teenager thinking that 150lbs was the end of the world. I
began to excuse my bad eating choices by telling myself "well
your fat anyways! May as well indulge and enjoy it"
I was
pretty shy and hid behind my few extra pounds. Then when I was
19 I met my husband while he was in the US Navy. I thought
that moving to California was JUST what I needed in order to
be glamorous and all the things I dreamed of being. I lost a
little bit of weight there and felt good about myself, as I
was going to 24 hour gyms, and living a very happy lifestyle.
We moved
to Montana when I got pregnant and I was a lot closer to my
family, during my pregnancy I became a little bit depressed
from being away from home and I gained about 40 lbs with the
birth of my son.
A couple
of years later my marriage fell apart and I lost my little
brother (my best friend) and I really turned to food for
comfort. I remember going up and down the isles at the
pharmacy looking for ANYTHING that would ease my heartache.
Thank god that I had the sense to not turn to alcohol or
drugs. Instead I was drowning my body is calories, looking for
that satisfaction that I was missing so desperately in my
life.
As the
years went on, my life just seemed to stay numb. I lost my
father and my closest girlfriend (her son and her husband were
killed all at once). I hated myself for it, but I just pretty
much hid away from people and began a sanctuary for myself
that included my home and food. I found myself not letting my
son out of the house in fear that something may happen to him.
I comforted us with food and with the sense of "being home
safe".
Needless
to say my selfish choices have landed me in the situation I am
in now. I am 32 years old and I weight 280lbs. I remember
vividly being 12 and weighing only 98lbs.
I reasons
why I am asking for this surgery is because I would
desperately like to have my life back. To be content within my
body, and to use this surgery as my "tool" to loose the extra
weight. I would like to have another child, my son is very
lonely being an only child. And I am in a very strong and
fulfilling relationship now where we would like to have a
baby, but my weight is not allowing that. I don't want to be
an older mom so that sure lights a fire under me to do
something drastic.
As soon as
I hit my thirties, I began to feel this sense of comfort
within my own skin. I am happier than I have been in years, my
weight is really the only thing that brings me down.
I recently
lost my job, I believe it is because of my weight. I was a
private housekeeper for a family ( a family that was very
active and VERY into appearance). I just dismissed the
situation as they were sick of looking at my big butt. (haha)
I left the problem with them, rather than punishing myself and
turning MORE SO to food for comfort. I did the best job I
could and I am happy with that.
The day I
get the call to come in for surgery, oh man! I hope there will
be no strangers around me, it will be a scene that will be
unexplainable. I will be dancing around, screaming and
yelling. It wont be a pretty sight.
Since I
have inquired about this surgery, its been about two years.
After meeting Dr. Amson, I realized that he is only one man
and that he spread very thin. I understand my weight is all
about the "whys". Thank you for making me write this letter,
after seeing it all laid out, it kinda makes more sense now.
N |