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I feel
that this surgery will be one of the tools I can use to change
my life. Another tool is counselling that I have been doing to
work through my issues of childhood emotional abuse,
self-esteem issues and issues about food. I am making
progress, although it is difficult and I have recently had to
go on anti-depressants. As a Victim Services Program Manger it
is my job to help others, so it is difficult personally for me
to reach out for help myself. It is however, critical.
I believe
that I began eating as a way to make myself invisible to
others so I couldn’t be hurt again. This started around the
age of 13. I had abusive relationships until my early 20’s
when I sought counselling to regain my dignity and self
esteem. At 24, I met my husband who is truly a wonderful,
supportive person. He has never said a word about my weight or
about the fact that I have gained over 130 lbs since we met.
He wants me to be happy and healthy. We have 1 child together,
Taylor who is 8. I also have a son, Blair who is 13. Not being
able to do things with my kids is extremely frustrating. Going
tubing, swimming in public, sitting in a booth at a
restaurant, flying comfortably on an air plane, horseback
riding, skiing, hiking. These are all things I used to enjoy
and now have limited myself from doing. I am looking forward
to doing these again with my family.
I have a
lot of shame about how my weight got this out of control. I am
a person who is used to being in control. I look at myself and
it is very hard. I find it hard to see past my reflection to
the good person inside of me. I have found it increasingly
difficult to see the good in anything lately and have become
depressed (hence the antidepressants).
I know
that my counselling is helping me to work through my issues
and also to look at my fears about having this surgery, about
regaining weight after surgery, and just being happy again
with who I am. This surgery isn’t a quick fix for me. Like I
said, I believe it is an incredible tool and then the rest is
up to me. I don’t want to fail. I am doing all that I can do
to ensure that I am ready, willing and able.
I also
started to exercise at Curves Gym about 4 years ago. I started
at the gym because I am used to being active and am
comfortable in their environment. I usually go 4 times a week
for about 45 minutes. I also do a lot of yard work and
recently renovated our home for 3 months in the Spring.
This
surgery will help to give me a new lease on life. I will be
able to be more active and become a participant in life again
instead of being on the sidelines watching everything happen
around me. I also don’t want to get any diseases that are
associated with being overweight. I feel that I am at a weight
now where I need a medical intervention to help me lose weight
because it seems impossible to me to be able to do it all on
my own without some assistance. I want to be healthy. I want
to live. I want to be there for my kids and to see them grow
and have families of their own. I want to be happy.
Thank you,
J |