|
I feel
that my weight saved my life when I was a teen and a young
adult because I had a wild rebellious side to me. I would
hold back from doing things because of my size. I am a Mom
now, slowing down faster than I should. I have sleep apnea,
osteoarthritis, IBS, diverticulitus, food allergies, back and
knee pain. I do feel like a failure but I don't want to fail
anymore. I believe surgery is my last hope to shed this fat
suit so I can live with my active, loving husband and help
keep my children active and live a long healthy life.
A bit
about my history: I was always a large child as far back as I
can remember. My parents divorced when I was in Kindergarten.
My mother moved my brother and I back to Canada from the US.
We went back to our family home. My mom re-married and we
moved to a new town. Kids started to call me names. I was now
known as Cow or Bertha. I was teased every day. I did get
bullied when I was young, then a switch turned on and I was
not bullied anymore. I guess I realized I was bigger than
those kids and I became a child with an attitude problem. I
had some anger issues from being bullied and wanting my
parents to get back together. I started getting more friends
but they still nicknamed me COW. I was always the biggest in
my group of friends. I went through puberty early at 10 and
thinned out a bit, looking 4 years older than I was. I became
sexually active and started partying at an early age. I was
never abused but I was very boy crazy (as my mom would call
it). I might have been boy crazy because I always put my dad
on a pedestal and desperately wanted his attention. I always
wanted to be his little girl. My Dad always helped others.
He would take in kids or adults and help them out. My Dad did
not send us very many, if any, presents for our birthdays or
Christmas. We never had much alone time with my dad, there
was always his friends around. In Grade 13 I gained over
50lbs during the school year. No one said anything to me
about how I was gaining. I spent that year waking up, going
to school, meeting friends and skipping out of classes. After
school I would go to work then hit the bar. I would then go
home and cook up leftovers, eat and go to sleep with a full
stomach.
I was
getting a lot of negative feed back from some people in a
co-op work term (school credit course). I can remember the
empty feelings from feeling stupid. The adults that I was
trying to learn from treated me like a worthless child. I did
fail my co-op work term as I could not handle how cruel these
people where to me. I did everything in my power to NOT
succeed even though I had good marks in school.
I never
grew up with dreams and goals for myself. I always was just
living. I have dreams now of shedding this fat suit and let
the healthy active woman out. She has been trapped for a very
long time.
I was
230lbs when I met my husband who loves me just the way I am
(but would like me to be healthier but never puts me down
about my weight). I gained 20lbs of love weight. I gained
only 15lbs with my first child. I kept 5lbs on after his
birth. Nine months later I was pregnant again. I had more
cravings and feelings of hunger this time around. I call her
my blizzard child. I would have at least 4 blizzards from
Dairy Queen a week. I put on 40lbs with her. When she was
born I kept on the weight. I moved across Canada to get
married and have children. I had no family support to help me
with my children; therefore I made no time for myself for
exercise or anything. I guess I was overwhelmed and very
tired those days. I still am overwhelmed and tired and over
the years have gained weight to a point to where I must have
this surgery to reclaim my life.
That is my
Why! Why! Why! story.
B |