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My Story
DG Victoria - Aug 2007
WHY....................................
Of course, I have all the usual answers
that people will give, like, I want to be pretty, I want my spouse to be proud,
I want to be healthy, etc.................... and although I do share that, one
of my really big reasons is because I want to be a mommy. From the time I can
remember, I wanted to be a mommy. Now, I'm 33 and have no kids. I have PCOS, and
being fat certainly doesn't help that issue. It causes infrequent periods, no
ovulation etc........... this condition plus my weight has made it very
dangerous for me. I have a few bouts with abnormal cervical cells, do to
infrequent periods, due to being fat. It even progressed to a benign tumour on
my right ovary, which resulted in the right ovary and fallopian tube being
removed. I still have the left side, however, it is blocked. The doctors are
sure they can unblock it, however, they won't do anything until I lose weight.
And so the circle continues. I tend to be really hard on myself, because I'm the
reason I can't have kids right now. And, that really hurts.
I remember being young, and we were pretty
poor actually, it was a good life, but we got by just on the basics. Whenever we
would go to a friends house, we would literally "pig out" on all the snack food
that we never got...............like, chips, cookies, puddings. And that habit
just never ended. If there is something good in my house now, and by good I mean
junkie, I want it. My husband and I have come up with a system where, if he
wants chips in the house, they have to be flavours that I hate, like Doritos, or
salt and vinegar. Same goes for cookies, or anything, he can have it, if I don't
care for it. This has helped a lot. This seems to help with the pigging out
thing.
I used to love walking my dog, just
enjoying the outdoors, fresh air, and just hanging with my dog. Now, walking
just to the end of the road just kills my lower back. It's really painful. We
went to Tofino last weekend, and the whole way down the trail to the beach,
instead of enjoying the nature, or the views, or the sounds of the ocean we were
approaching, all I could think about was, how am I going to make it up this
hill? I can't wait for a life, where I can hike, or go for long walks, and not
dread hills. What a feeling that must be.
I have family who live in Ontario, that I
haven't seen since 2000. And I mean all my family. Aunts, Uncles, cousins,
grandparents. And the only reason I haven't visited them, is because I'm scared
I won't fit on the plane, and they'll kick me off, or make some kind of
spectacle of me. That is a horrible feeling.
Not a day goes by where I'm not thankful
for being alive, but I am longing for the day where I wake up and don't have to
worry about who I'm going to see, what problems will I have due to weight, what
comments might be made. I just want the old me back. I want to allow my family
to take pictures of me again, so I can be part of our history. Right now, it's
like I'm the forgotten relative who refuses to have her picture taken.
I want to feel happy. This is why I have
been on this journey with Dr.Amson, this is why I have decided that surgery is
the way for me. I've tried Weight Watchers, LA Weight loss, and I've even
starved myself. I feel this is my chance.
Thank you for listening.
DG |
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