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My Story
Anonymous New Westminster - Jan 2008
My reasons for wanting Bariatric surgery are simply for two reasons. First
would be my poor health. Because of my extreme weight gain, I am on medication
for high blood pressure, and acid reflux disease. I am borderline diabetic, my
legs, knees and feet hurt, I am constantly hot, and sweating profusely most of
the time. I have asthma, although only have maybe two or three ‘episodes’ a
year, and feel uncomfortable and self-conscious all the time. I am only 43 years
old but I feel many years older.
The second reason is to get back a life I feel I haven’t had since I was in
my twenties. I was diagnosed with clinical depression in my late twenties. It
took 15 years of experimenting with many different medications, cocktails of
those medications, fluctuating doses of those medications, psychiatrists,
psychologists, counsellors, hospitals, support groups and therapies. I was in a
state of severe sadness, confusion, and total breakdown of well being. I dropped
all people from my life, friends, some family, and did not engage in meeting
anyone new.
In my complete isolation of pain, I gained so much weight. Food became my
life. It replaced those friends, and family members I shut out. Food became my
answer to all emotions I was experiencing. I used it to numb me, it made me feel
good, and it made me feel ashamed. It was the love of my life and my cruellest
enemy. I needed it and hated it at the same time.
I knew I was losing control, but my mind was in no shape to step in and stop
the madness. It was too busy trying to keep up with the different medications
trying to get it to do something different, that it became overloaded and
basically useless. It shut down.
This was my state of mind for many years. It has taken a long time for me to
come to a place where I am on the right medication and dose. I am finally
feeling more myself, and regaining my life back. Except for this armour of fat I
continue to wear and display. I feel like this is the last step/obstacle in my
path. No matter what diet I try, or how many times I try to ‘be good’, I don’t
lose enough weight to motivate me to keep going. It just seems like an
impossibility.
I feel that having this surgery will be the start I need to get myself to a
place where I won’t feel like it’s an impossibility anymore. This weight is a
constant reminder of all the pain I have gained and carried for 15 years and I
need it to come off my body in order for me to completely regain my life back.
It will be like a snake shedding off his dead sheath of skin in order to let the
new one come forth and nurture itself.
I absolutely need my body and mind to be in harmony. I am looking forward to
the day I am able to take control of my eating and exercising habits again and
see where the future takes me when I’m not ashamed to go out and be seen. I feel
I have lost enough of my life now, it’s time to start living again. I am after
all, only 43.
Anonymous |
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